Special offer
Debbie Reynolds, C21 Platinum Properties, The Dedicated Clarksville TN Realtor-(931)320-6730 (Platinum Properties- (931)771-9070)

Spam prevention
Rainer
216,904
Sharon Altier
Coldwell Banker Realty - Elmhurst, IL
Luxury Property Specialist, CSC, SFR

Ask the daughter (privately), if she would prefer he not be there.  If she does, then she wants his final blessing on a home.  Perhaps suggest you two weed out homes to two finalist homes and he can go through both and "help" her decide which is best.  OR, After he makes a negative comment, I might jokingly mention to him that "if he keeps it up, she may never find a home...oh, dad, is that your intention?  This is an exciting decision for her, let's make this an upbeat experience for her..."   Sometimes saying it in this manner alleviates the tension and yet puts them in their place. 

Aug 17, 2015 01:56 PM
Rainmaker
921,504
Annette Lawrence , Palm Harbor, FL 727-420-4041
ReMax Realtec Group - Palm Harbor, FL
Making FLORIDA Real Estate EZ

This is not about buying the house.

Walk along side the buyer until the journey is completed.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS DANCE.

The buyer will decide when the right number of dreams have been crashed, or the buyer agent finds the right house.

 

 

Aug 17, 2015 10:26 PM
Ambassador
1,452,819
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

I would remind him that he has most likely only purchased 1 home and it was probably 25 years ago.  I say to the daughter, in front of the Dad, how "it is not fair to put the pressure on him to be the advisor on this because he is probably out of his element with how things have changed so much since he was last in your position -   Just think how horrible he would feel if he advised you on something on which he was no longer knowledgable" !!

Aug 17, 2015 12:56 PM
Rainmaker
1,466,207
Michael Setunsky
Woodbridge, VA
Your Commercial Real Estate Link to Northern VA

Debbie Reynolds This can be a difficult situation. If the decision is between you and the Father, the Daughter will probably side with the Father.

Aug 17, 2015 10:16 PM
Rainmaker
613,494
Eve Alexander
Buyers Broker of Florida - Tampa, FL
Exclusively Representing ONLY Tampa Home Buyers

It depends...

Is the father trying to kill particulary homes or all the homes?  Is he just picky or does he simply want her not to buy?

I would sit down with the both of them to re-evaluate and get to the bottom of what is really bugging him. Sometimes the parent just wants to be heard.

I have done better when I include the parent and show them that we are all on the same team. Time for an honest conversation.  

Eve

 

Aug 17, 2015 10:16 PM
Rainmaker
5,583,278
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Happily Retired - Franklin, MA
Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team

I'd lay it on the line to the buyer to either make her own decisions or find another agent.... 

Aug 17, 2015 09:45 PM
Rainmaker
1,153,794
Kevin J. May
Florida Supreme Realty - Hobe Sound, FL
Serving the Treasure & Paradise Coasts of Florida

A history lesson is in order for the Dad. He apparently instilled great values in his daughter by her wanting to own a home. Ask him if his purchase provided the security he wanted for his family. If yes, he should know that his daughter is a very modern and capable woman who is taking advantage of low rates and securing her place in life well ahead of most male counterparts today. He's done well raising his daughter and it's time to let her wings unfold independent of his input. She will figure it out with or without him! It's much better to join in, she'll be great, as always. 

Aug 17, 2015 06:47 PM
Ambassador
6,393,609
Bob Crane
Woodland Management Service / Woodland Real Estate, KW Diversified - Stevens Point, WI
Forestland Experts! 715-204-9671

I had a potential renters father do that one time I sent him back out to his car.
No time for bad behavior.

Aug 17, 2015 01:12 PM
Rainmaker
2,538,633
Joe Petrowsky
Mortgage Consultant, Right Trac Financial Group, Inc. NMLS # 2709 - Manchester, CT
Your Mortgage Consultant for Life

Good morning Debbie. They need to be enrolled in the entire process, they are not going to magically disappear, so we need to work with them.

Aug 17, 2015 06:27 PM
Rainmaker
979,496
Troy Erickson AZ Realtor (602) 295-6807
HomeSmart - Chandler, AZ
Your Chandler, Ahwatukee, and East Valley Realtor

Debbie - I would agree with Tammy Lankford, and say that the daughter (your client) needs to have that conversation with her father, if she really does not want him butting in. If she cannot do it, then hopefully you can all just get through it and complete a transaction.

Aug 17, 2015 03:11 PM
Ambassador
3,164,294
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

I feel that you have to let the daughter be the one to decide he has to butt out. You can talk to her, but I'd be having zero conversation with the dad.

Aug 17, 2015 02:13 PM
Rainmaker
1,683,912
Larry Johnston
Broker, Friends & Neighbors Real Estate and Elkhart County Subdivisions, LLC - Elkhart, IN
Broker,Friends & Neighbors Real Estate, Elkhart,IN

Good question!  We lost many potential home sales because their parents thought they knew everything.

Aug 17, 2015 01:57 PM
Rainmaker
657,208
Martin E. Kalisker, Esq.
Natick, MA
Real Estate Law From A Practical Perspective

I'd check with my buyer client to see if Dad is invited to showings or if he is inviting himself. If he is being disruptive, your buyer client would probably think highly of you to speak up and ask Dad to stay behind.

Aug 17, 2015 01:39 PM
Rainmaker
1,390,113
Wayne Zuhl
Remax First Realty II - Cranford, NJ
The Last Name You'll Ever Need in Real Estate

Had a similar situation last summer. We scheduled appointments when we knew he was at work. Daughter was amenable. 

Aug 17, 2015 10:40 PM
Rainmaker
5,104,931
Nina Hollander, Broker
Coldwell Banker Realty - Charlotte, NC
Your Greater Charlotte Realtor

This is a hard one, Debbie, as it's risky to get between a parent and child. Is there a more reasonably mother in the picture who could help run interference. Maybe your clients needs to bring along a supportive friend who will give her "courage" in making decisions.

Aug 17, 2015 10:30 PM
Rainmaker
2,362,977
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

Give her support- but this goes way beyond buying a house! 

Aug 17, 2015 10:03 PM
Rainmaker
2,759,812
TeamCHI - Complete Home Inspections, Inc.
Complete Home Inspections, Inc. - Brentwood, TN
Home Inspectons - Nashville, TN area - 615.661.029

 Good Tuesday morning Debbie. I have had meddling parents and in-laws really be disruptive in the property transaction. I can feel your pain.

Aug 17, 2015 07:26 PM
Rainmaker
1,622,432
Inna Ivchenko
Barcode Properties - Encino, CA
Realtor® • GRI • HAFA • PSC Calabasas CA

Those are my favorite.....Seems, the child is a decision maker ( willing, able, ready), but no step can be made without a parent approval. That is not just about choosing a home, but during inspections too.  You just need to find the way to balance between them and be very patient. All the best!

Aug 17, 2015 04:41 PM
Rainmaker
637,434
Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®
Carmel by the Sea, CA
Rothwell Realty Inc. CA#01968433 Carmel-by-the-Sea

Why is he even along for the showings? He probably doesn't want his little girl to move out, get out from under his control. Typical family dynamic. Make appointments on short notice and show only to her.

Aug 17, 2015 02:52 PM
Rainmaker
784,786
The Woodland Team of Texas
The Woodland Companies - Austin, TX
Land Specialists

Ask him why he does not want his daughter to buy a home.

Nov 14, 2018 11:41 PM
Rainmaker
3,988,007
Debbie Reynolds, C21 Platinum Properties
Platinum Properties- (931)771-9070 - Clarksville, TN
The Dedicated Clarksville TN Realtor-(931)320-6730

I think some of you are right until she breaks free of daddy then there will be no sale. So far she says she will just save up more money and try to get what she really wants. I am not so sure.

Aug 18, 2015 10:56 AM
Rainmaker
699,277
Chris and Dick Dovorany
Homes for Sale in Naples, Bonita Springs and Estero, Florida - Naples, FL
Broker/Associate at Premiere Plus Realty

Very discreet conversation with her?

Aug 18, 2015 10:42 AM
Rainmaker
1,209,215
Amanda Christiansen
Christiansen Group Realty (260)704-0843 - Fort Wayne, IN
Christiansen Group Realty

I just punch him right in the face.  

Aug 18, 2015 10:15 AM
Rainer
67,369
Evelyn M Epperson
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Johns Creek, GA
A Tradition Of [Excellence, Trust & Service]

He sounds like a guy who does not want his daughter to move.  You need to speak with your buyer directly about this issue.  Maybe it comes down to her making her own decision without him.

Aug 18, 2015 02:37 AM
Rainmaker
1,712,676
Joe Pryor
The Virtual Real Estate Team - Oklahoma City, OK
REALTOR® - Oklahoma Investment Properties

I would basically tell him that in 26 years of business I have sold over 2600 hundred homes but it is always great to be with someone more experienced and knowledgeable than me. Once you make a decision I will be glad to write it up. (This is what I would really like to say instead of please find another agent you can work with).

Aug 18, 2015 01:44 AM
Rainer
50,728
John Ferrier
Mortgage Network Solutions, LLC - West Chester, PA
20+ yrs as a consultative mortgage professional

Is there a common denominator to his objections? Are objections legitimate?

 

Sometimes  it's possible to root out the fluff to get to the core concern.   Good Luck!

Aug 18, 2015 01:44 AM
Rainmaker
982,239
Mike Frazier
Carousel Realty of Dyer County - Dyersburg, TN
Northwest Tennessee Realtor

I think Fred is on to something I have never tried but will now.

Aug 18, 2015 01:29 AM
Rainmaker
323,664
Fred Cope
Reliant Realty in Nashville, TN - Nashville, TN
Looking For Homes With A Smile

Debbie, I have probably played the lead in that movie.  We Dad's can't help ourselves.  What greater treasure does a man posses?

Having confessed, and repented, now allow me to be the evangelist.  You are in a difficult position -- I have been that professional: determined to do the right thing for another dad's angel.  Knowing what be is thinking and feeling, I take it head on, right at the start. I make my confession, and seek his conversion to President of my fan club.  (1) I acknowledge his role, his concern, and agree with him.  (2) I tell him that were he providing a service to one of my girls, I would expect him to act in her best interest, and would want to be supportive of his effort to deliver that service.  I ask him to give me a chance to prove myself to him.  (3). I invite him to call me with any concerns, and I will listen.  I explain that there is a reason for whatever I am proposing, and I'm prepared to explain myself.  (3) Dad to Dad, I discuss how important it is for her to make her own decisions, and that I will in his presencem treat her as the decision maker, and not him.  He is free to do what he deems necessary.  Privately with her, I will praise her dad for being supportive, and encourage her to hear him out; but emphasize to her that she is my client, and that I depend on her to be honest in her communications with me, as well as her dad.  I will speak no ill of him to her, and will quickly redirect her negative feedback about him right back to her.  When Dad sees that I am no threat to her, to him or their relationship, I generally find an alli and new friend.  The daughter, hopefully senses her Dad and I jointly want her to be successful and happy in her experience.  I learned this from my daughters.  It works with BOYFRIENDS, fiancés, and husbands. I on occasion, speak my mind with my son-in-law, as with my son; but then I tell them that I will not interfere, and will support their decisions.  I know they love their wives and children, and I love them.  Guiding Principle:  "As you would that men do unto you, do likewise unto them.". This is I welcome Jesus' input in all my endeavors.  I am not all that smart on my own.

Aug 18, 2015 12:03 AM
Rainmaker
440,656
Shirley Coomer
Keller Williams Realty Sonoran Living - Phoenix, AZ
Realtor, Keller Williams Realty, Phoenix Az

I would sit down with them both and discuss houses she liked and discuss what he didn't like about them.  Is he pointing out homes that need repairs or have location issues? Discuss a few houses she really liked and what he didn't like about them. Then ask her how she feels about his dislikes.  The real question is whether he is pointing out things that will have impact on her (potential replacement of major appliances, AC, roof, etc.) or just silly things like layout and paint or landscaping that she can really deal with on her own after she moves in. I bet the answer is somewhere in between. It may be time for a heart to heart with her to see if she really wants to buy a home and be on her own.  If she can afford this on her own she needs to decide how much input she wants from dear old Dad.  Maybe asking for his  pros and cons from her final two home choices will give him some input but not the final decision.  This is probably the continuation of family behavior for years and you aren't going to change it when she is about to make a major purchase.  Good Luck!

Aug 17, 2015 11:45 PM
Rainmaker
911,338
Jeff Pearl
RE/MAX Distinctive / LIC in VA - Lovettsville, VA
Full Service Full Time Realtor

Tell the daughter to quit telling her father what houses she is looking at. After she has one under contract,then she can say " Come over and see the house I have decided to buy ".

Aug 17, 2015 11:40 PM
Rainmaker
1,725,996
Sandy Padula & Norm Padula, JD, GRI
HomeSmart Realty West & Florida Realty Investments - , CA
Presence, Persistence & Perseverance

Walk very softly, but offer the daughter 150% support and guidance to make sure the home she chooses is absolutely the best value with the least issues.

Aug 17, 2015 11:19 PM
Rainmaker
1,771,867
Noah Seidenberg
Coldwell Banker - Evanston, IL
Chicagoland and Suburbs (800) 858-7917

It's tough because of the family attachment Debbie. Not a good scene.

Aug 17, 2015 01:59 PM
Rainmaker
282,018
Nancy Robinson Ranked #6 in MI
Century 21 Town and Country - Royal Oak, MI
#11 Century21 Realtor in the US, #16 in the World

Oh Boy! You all are gonna hate on this... I think you need to refer this to the most experienced  Dad like agent in your office. Debbie, you are not having any fun and he's not respecting your space and she is for sure going to rely on her Dad. 

Aug 23, 2015 08:48 AM
Rainmaker
1,318,269
Joan Whitebook
BHG The Masiello Group - Nashua, NH
Consumer Focused Real Estate Services

I would talk privately with the buyer.  If the father is there to help and is realistic fine... otherwise, perhaps it is not a good time to buy until the buyer can make decisions on her own.

Aug 18, 2015 01:58 PM
Rainmaker
750,057
Rob D. Shepherd
RETIRED - Florence, OR
RETIRED

she needs to make appointments without informing him!

Aug 18, 2015 12:10 PM