Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:   DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE! As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'." "Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"       12/24/2011

 A doctor; examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'Sir; I don't like the looks of your wife.'  'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and; really good with the kids.' 10/23/2011

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well......she's there.'  10/15/2011

An old man goes to the Pastor to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Pastor says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' 10/09/2011

A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it's a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither one of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi says, "So you're a priest. That's interesting; I'm a rabbi. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace."     The priest replies, "Oh, yes, I agree. It's a miracle that we survived and are here together." "And here's another miracle," says the rabbi. "My car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune," he says, handing the bottle to the priest. The priest nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands ... 10/02/2011

What does a 203k Consultant do and how much does it cost? The consultant meets with the borrower at the site to determine if the project is feasible. If the client and consultant sign an agreement to go forward, the consultant will prepare a detailed report that includes project specifications, a construction cost analysis and HUD-required draw request forms. The consultant will then prepare contractor bid packages and lender packages. After the loan has been approved, a rehabilitation escrow account is created. Funds are dispersed after HUD-approved inspections are complete. How much does a 203k consultant cost? While prices may vary slightly, HUD has established a general fee schedule for 203k consultants based on the following ranges for repair costs. REPAIR AMOUNT   CONSULTANT FEE ... 09/28/2011

What types of repairs are eligible under the 203k program? Following is a list of eligible repairs: Roofs, gutters, and downspouts Upgrade of existing HVAC systems Upgrade of plumbing and electrical systems Flooring Exterior decks, patios, porches Weatherization – including storm windows/doors, insulation, weather stripping, etc. Purchase and installation of new appliances Disability access improvements Lead-based paint stabilization or abatement of lead-based paint hazards Basement finishing/remodeling, which doesn’t require structural repairs Basement water-proofing Window and door replacement Exterior wall re-siding Septic system and/or well repair or replacement What improvements are NOT eligible under the FHA Streamline(k) Limited Repair Program? Following is a list of non-eligible... 09/28/2011